When did I become the girl who calls out complete strangers on their morally repulsive behaviour?
More specifically, the girl who calls them assholes and flips them off in the middle of a restaurant.
Is it snobbery to think that I'm better because I don't treat the waitresses like they're beneath me?
He was the most insufferable person I've ever seen. To put it nicely.
I hope he didn't give the waitress even more crap after I left.
- Mood:
cynical
Are you familiar with that? To have absorbed everyone's moods and emotions around you to the extent that you don't even know how you yourself feel/think.
Perhaps that's why I've been so reluctant to speak to anyone recently.
I don't even know why I keep telling people I don't know what I want to do after I graduate.
The truth is, I do.
I just don't say it because they might tell me how impossible it is, and I don't think I can take that right now.
I'm not sure I'm ready to let my dream be taken away by someone else.
Credit: The Blake Wright
- Mood:
crushed
How could he be gone?
Just a few days ago it was "he is a legend".
And now he really has become mere legend.
Imagine the years that he could've had ahead, and the genius he still had in him.
His status will eventually be taken over by others.
But so strange how powerful mere cloth can be.
- Mood:
determined
the crackers have been unpalatably dry, and the grape juice too sweet.
It's when this happens that I know I'm losing myself to sensation to block out emotions I don't want to deal with.
It's not even meant to be about me.
But I want it all. I always have.
Perhaps I'll have to go through all the wrong paths, only to find that what I've got isn't what I truly want.
And I'm deathly afraid of that.
"Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried."
- Mood:
cold
Real coffee, none of that Nescafe nonsense.
From a lifelong (well, for as long as I've started drinking coffee anyway) mocha drinker, this is a big statement:
I get the short black.
It was one of those moments when literally, I took my first sip and I could not turn back.
Mochas with milk, sugar, chocolate, whipped cream, ice cream and all its frills and thrills..
Just doesn't cut it. I don't get it anymore.
Coffee is best left as it is.
Pure, unadulterated, unaltered.
Just simple.
Just what it was made to be.
That's what I have always wanted to be. What I was made to be.
Have you ever had one of those moments?
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
And because I'm bossy, and like everyone else to like the things that I do:
- Mood:
contemplative
This is the dress I want to wear for my graduation:
Unfortunately it's about £1,815.70 more than what I'm willing to pay.
Why Stella, why?
Because you have a rockstar legend dad?
I'd be willing to settle for this top:
"I'm longing to linger till dawn dear.
Just saying this: sweet dreams till sunbeams find you"
It reminds me of jazz, staying up all night, and lying on the beach looking at the stars.
Clothes are never 'just clothes' for me.
It's a beautiful sort of crooked perspective on life.
Or maybe I'm just trying to add purpose to my otherwise frivolous pursuits
- Mood:
full
And it is that tropical paradise.
But if that's all you see when you go there, then you've truly missed out on Mauritius.
Coz Mauritius is all about driving in the wrong lanes, (almost) death-defying pedestrian crossings, uneven pavement, min tuni (translation: naked noodles =)), road side markets, sugarcane, arc en ciel, regular broadcasts of prayers from mosques at 5am, blood sucking mosquitoes, and sticky humidity - lots and lots of sticky humidity. I could go on and on..
Paradise isn't paradise for everyone. For those who call paradise home, it ceases to become paradise.
Because life goes on, and we all have to make a living, we all have to do something with our lives, we all eventually have to meet our Maker.
It was far from the perfect vacation, but it was beautifully imperfect.
Because after all, pretend perfection bores the heck out of most of us doesn't it?
I don't believe I've ever come away from a family holiday having experienced this much love.
Somehow it's so clear to me that love and beauty are at their best in the midst of tragedy, not in trying to be perfect.
How could I not have seen that before?
- Mood:
indescribable
Oh God. Some things don't belong on the internet. But I long so so much for that day. And I know so many people who do too, right now.
I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always
I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone
Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting
I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always
will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..
there will be a day.
It's a cruel irony, that we wanted to go overseas for the holidays. But not this way, never this way.
And yet I can't help feeling that there's something huge brewing..
Something that's completely out of our control.
Some God thing.
And it is good. And I won't question it.
And the things running through my head are not what I need them to be.
Nights before exams are usually the worst nights I ever experience. Which is why tonight's honesty is mostly being thrown out for my sake, and hopefully to whoever reads this, it'll be a reminder of my humanity, since I'm so often found cheery and social.
And I am, honestly, most of the time. But it doesn't mean that I don't hurt either.
This exam period I've found out a number of things about friendship. Mostly, trust.
I've found unexpected suppport in a few friends whom I realise I don't appreciate enough.
And I've been disappointed by friends whom I've put a lot into.
It's brought to mind a line from Matt Redman's song, 'Blessed Be Your Name':
You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name.
For so long I've prayed about this, thought about it, tried to come up with a solution.
And still I'm stuck.
Maybe some friends are meant only for a season.
( Dilemma )
I don't know what to do.
- Mood: crushed
For whatever anyone might believe was scripted to draw in the audience, the dance was real.
- Mood: touched
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